Hotel Transylvania: A Christmas Caper
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride In a pit-set chambrulay. Jingle bells, jingle, jingle. Jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Dashing through the snow. Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing! Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) In a one-horse open sleigh. Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing! Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) Over them fields we go. Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing! Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) Laughing all the way. Offscreen Male Chorus: And now he's laughing! Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) Bells on bob... silence ...Making them spirits bright. What fun it is to ride and sing this sleighing song to... suddenly ends A periscope pops out of a snowman. It shows Cuphead and Mugman building a tower of cans, but Mugman knocks it over. Next it shows Alex, Marty, Gloria, and Melman turning on Christmas lights on Melman. Next, it shows Boog lying down on the ground of his habitat, sad. After that, it shows camel and elephant pairs partying, and then returns to Emmet who sighs sadly. Wayne is operating the periscope, Dracula is at the center, Frank is beating down fish, and Murray is standing in front of a huge chunk of ice. Wayne: He looks so sad. Dracula: 'Murray! I want that tree up to muster. ''Murray takes two knives and carves a Christmas tree. '''Dracula: Check. Frank! What's the status on the approved musical selection? Frank: Scheduled to begin... now. The radio is turned on and music plays. '' '''Dracula:' Excellente! Right on track. Wayne: Drac! Dracula: Making pudding at 1900 hours, yule log to commence on my mark. Engage! Frank presses a button on a remote and the TV turns on showing a log burning. Frank: Yule log engage. Dracula: Checkamundo! Wayne: Drac! Dracula: (Murray is seen outside swimming) Eggnog at 2100 hours, writing our names in the snow at 2105. Wayne: Drac! Dracula: What is it, Wayne? Wayne: Boog is alone on this holiday and he seems so sad. Could we bring him a present to cheer him up? Dracula: Frank. Frank: (making calculations on his abacus) Negative, Drac. (shows four moving fish wrapped up) We have four presents and there are four of us. Wayne: We can go and get him something. Dracula: Sorry, Wayne, no can do. Wayne: But no one should be sad and alone on Christmas. Dracula: Exactly. So throw those troubles away and be merry, pronto. Wayne: But, Drac- Dracula: That's an order, mister. All right boys, stand by for eggnog. Frank: (pounding the fish with a mallet) Aye aye, Drac. Murray: EGGNOG!! Eggnog, eggnog, eggnog, eggnog! Dracula: Wayne? Wayne: I'll pass, thank you. Wayne sadly walks off, then gets an idea. He gets some money out of his Gloria piggy bank and sneaks to the fish plaque while Dracula and Frank see how much eggnog Murray can chug at once. Dracula and Frank: Go, go, go, go, go, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Dracula: Hold on, Murray! That guy can really hold his nog. Wayne opens the plaque and slides out. Dracula: 2110 hours, boys! Engage cranberries! Murray is playing the "knife game" at the table. Dracula: Murray! Not at the table. (noticing a problem) Hold on a second, something's missing. Frank: Cranberries, check! Eggnog, check! Dracula: Give me a head count. Frank: (doing calculations on his abacus) We have three heads, sir! Dracula: WHERE'S WAYNE? Frank: Unknown, sir! It appears that he's- (shows the eggnog carton with Wayne's face on it) -missing! Dracula: Missing? Hoover dam! Wait, there he is! He just went to bed! (removes the blanket to find a bowling pin) What the? (starts slapping the bowling pin) What have you done with Wayne? Talk mister! Frank: (noticing the open fish plaque) Drac, over here. Dracula: I'll deal with you later. (slaps the bowling pin one last time) Frank: Oh no, he must be out there all by himself. Dracula: He's one of us men. You all know the Monster Credo. Frank: Never bathe in hot oil and Bisquick? Dracula: No! Murray: (speaks Japanese gibberish) Dracula: No! That's the Walrus Credo. It's "never go alone". Wayne's out there all by himself, and we never leave one of our own. Murray and Frank: Oh, yeah. Dracula: Now let's go! Wayne is walking down the sidewalk. He sees a possible present for Boog. Wayne: That's perfect! Just the thing for a sad bear. Dracula, Frank, and Murray pop up out of the manhole. Dracula: Frank, analysis. Frank: Adrenaline, sweat and lamb. These tracks are fresh, sir. Dracula: He's close. I can feel it. The monsters peer around the corner of a building. Using a pair of binoculars, they attempt to get a closer look at Wayne. Miss Hannigan: What kind of cut-rate junk is this? This lousy workmanship is what it is. Frank: We may have a problem. Miss Hannigan: Everything's junk! Miss Hannigan rips apart a plush toy. Wayne attempts to hide. Miss Hannigan: These are no good at all! Junk! Drac: We need to get closer. Ten o'clock men. (monsters follow a line of nuns) Blend, blend, blend! The monsters are now behind a trash can. They again attempt to get a closer look at Wayne. Miss Hannigan: Ha! So this is where you're hiding! (she pulls and stretches Wayne) Dracula: He's in trouble! Murray: (coughs up a stick of dynamite and begins to light it) Kaboom, hehe. Dracula: Lay down soldier. We're in observation mode. Miss Hannigan: Now this is workmanship. So where's the gosh darn squeaker on this thing? It's gotta have a squeaker. (she squeezes Wayne and he farts) Now that's more like it. Hey stupid, I found this one. Dracula: Grand Coolee Dam! Wayne's been kidnapped! Miss Hannigan: TAXI! Dracula: Not on my watch, Blue Hair! Frank! Frank grabs a trash can lid. Murray swings a rope and hooks it onto the taxi's back bumper. The taxi drags the trash can lid (with the monsters) down the street. '' 'Emmet: Hey, I'm walkin' here! The taxi stops in front of an apartment building. The monsters get off and belly slide, then hide behind a snowman. '''Miss Hannigan: I've got a tip for you- drop dead! (she slams the door and the taxi drives off) Peter Parker: Good evening ma'am, you have a merry Christmas to ya. Miss Hannigan: Buzz off! (she knocks him to the ground) Frank: Drac, how are we going to get inside? Murray: (grabs stick of dynamite and lights it) Kaboom, kaboom, ahahaha! Dracula: (puts out the fuse) I've got a better idea. The monsters, disguised as a snowman, walk up to Peter. They hand him a $20 tip. Peter: That's gotta hurt. (sees the snowman as "Jingle Bells" plays instrumentally) Very generous, sir. You have a merry Christmas. Dracula: Hold that elevator! Wayne: Drac! Dracula: (Gasps.) Wayne! Step on it, Frank! Miss Hannigan gets into the elevator. The monsters get to it, but too late, and hit the doors. They look around and see envelopes fall through a mail duct. Dracula: What comes down must go up. Frank: Drac. (he has dragged out a shop vacuum from the closet) Dracula: Alright men, commence Operation Special Delivery. Frank plugs in the vacuum and Murray turns it on in reverse. The monsters put on postage stamps and hop into the vacuum and ride up the mail duct to the top floor just as Miss Hannigan is entering her apartment. Dracula: Shittake mushrooms! No more Mister Cute and Cuddly. Murray: (gets out the stick of dynamite) Kaboom, kaboom, KABOOM! Dracula: Murray! Enough with the dynamite already! Murray: Awww. Miss Hannigan: Why does Christmas have to be every year? What a pain in the... (Cuts the ribbon with scissors) The tape, it's so sticky! (Slaps a sticker on Wayne saying "To: Nugent From: Mommy) There we go. Oh you'll make a nice Christmas present for my Nugent. (Her dog, Nugent barks happily as he hops) Oh, now Nugent, you'll have to wait until morning to open your present, yes you do. Who is mommy's big boy, who is he? Nugent goes nuts, tearing up an Alex plush toy. As soon as he's done with that, he flies through the air to get to Wayne. Wayne: Nice doggie, good doggie. Down good boy, down, down, don't eat me, don't eat me, leave me alone, ahhh! The monsters swing and crash through a window. Dracula: Santa Claus has come to town! Wayne: Oh, Drac! Nugent yanks down the stocking, sending Private flying. He gets caught on the Christmas tree. Wayne: Help me guys! Dracula: Frank, secure the Wayne! Frank: I'm on it. Dracula: Quadruped, canine 2 o' clock! Frank: I'm going to need some cover fire. Dracula: Murray Murray steps on a candy bowl and swallows the candy. Dracula uses Murray like a gun, shooting out peppermint at Nugent. Dracula: Frank, status! Frank (While climbing): Almost there, Drac. The peppermint gun runs out of ammo. Nugent runs back toward Dracula and Murray, who throw themselves on the tree. Nugent grabs the lights to try to pull the tree down. Dracula: Let him have it, Murray. (throws ornaments at Nugent) Nugent lets go of the lights, sending Wayne flying into the kitchen. He walks out with a cooked chicken on his head. '' '''Football Announcer on TV': Ryan takes the snap. He drops back into the pocket. (Just as Wayne crashes into the kitchen) Ooh! What a hit! Ryan is down! Dracula: Holy butterball! Football Announcer on TV: There's a loose ball on the field! Wayne: Ah, guys! Don't eat me! Help! Dracula: Frank, give me options! Frank: (shows his idea) Drac! Dracula: Excellente! Engage Operation Stocking Stuffer! Dracula slides down the ribbon with a candy cane. He drops to the floor and whistles to get Nugent's attention. Dracula uses the candy cane to hop in the air, licks the candy cane and sticks it onto Nugent's collar. Nugent runs into a ribbon held tight by Murray and Frank. He goes flying, hits the Christmas tree and is catapulted into his stocking. Murray hops on his head. Football Announcer on TV: At the 5, Gets into the end zone all by himself! Ryan drops back and fires a Hail Mary downfield! (As soon as Nugent hits the wall and lands in the stocking, the crowd on the TV cheers) Oh, he scores! Rigby! Oh, what a play! Dracula: High five, low five, down low, too slow! I think our work here is done. Murray is about to drop an anvil on Miss Hannigan. Dracula: Murray! She didn't see anything. (Murray puts the anvil down) Football Announcer on TV: And that's the game, ladies and gentlemen. Dracula: Let's blow this popsicle stand, boys! Murray: Kaboom? Dracula: Yes, Murray, kaboom. The door is blown up, and falls down. The monsters slide out. Dracula: C'mon, boys. Miss Hannigan: (seeing the mess) Eh! What is all this? Nugent, this is all your fault! Bad dog! (the Christmas tree falls over) You are on a big time out! The monsters are walking back to the zoo. '' '''Wayne': Thanks for rescuing me, Drac. Dracula: Ain't nothing of it. It's the least we can do. You remember the Monster Credo? Wayne: What does deep frying in Bisquick have to do with any of this? Dracula: Not that one, the other one! Never swim alone! Alone! On Christmas! Don't you get it? Come on people, do I have to explain this to everybody? Wayne: Poor Boog, he's all alone on Christmas, with no one to swim with. Dracula: It's not too late, Wayne. I've got a new plan to figure... The monsters and Boog are singing along to "Deck the Halls". Boog: You guys! Seriously, this is the best Christmas I've ever had! Dracula: Well, there you have it, Merry Christmas for everyone! (the doorbell rings) What the? Who could that be? Boog: Oh, I hope you don't mind. I invited a few friends over. Dracula: WHAT?! All: (singing) Jingle Bells, cup smells, Melman laid an egg/Marty thinks that Alex stinks/And the camels say "Oy Vey"! '''' Category:The Penguins of Madagascar Movie Spoofs Category:The Penguins of Madagascar TV Spoof Category:The Penguins of Madagascar TV Spoofs Category:Penguins of Madagascar Movie Spoofs